and then you realize, you’re a liar too (and what to do to fix it)

A couple of weeks ago, Stevo and I were out browsing a snooty men’s shop. As my increasingly hipster husband searched for the perfect pocket square, the salesperson behind the counter asked me how my holidays were. Without thinking, I responded: “pretty good, yours?” And then I caught Stevo’s face. Ah right, my holidays were kind of shitty, weren’t they? It was then I realized, I do it too. I groove on automatic pilot.

In the first chapter of our book An Honest Living, Luisa Girotto and I talk about how important it is to be honest all the time. To be honest, you’ve got to be present. Being honest doesn’t require you to be mean or a killjoy, but it does require you to be conscious. Time to take my own advice.

My dad, doing what he did best: measuring twice, cutting once.

It’s a new year, and as an independent consultant I’m finally catching up with many of the clients I haven’t seen since before December 19th, the day my father died. In back to work conversation, they’re inevitably asking me about my holidays. I’m not one to harsh their post-holiday mellow (is that even a thing?), but I am an advocate of honesty. So I’m stopping and thinking before I respond. If it’s a client I know well, that I have a personal connection with, I tell them what happened. The holidays were challenging; my dad died. And we talk more about it if they like. If it’s a client I know less well, I’m finding diversion works: “ah, the holidays can be challenging, no? Here’s to a terrific 2015!”

Either way, I’m just being honest, and finding my way back to equilibrium, in the face of what’s honestly been one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. Thanks for asking. And here’s to that amazing 2015…

~Mel